I will survive...

      Something funny happened this morning. As I switched on the radio..I WILL SURVIVE song ,sung by Gloria Estefan kept ringing on my mind. I then,hurriedly went into my room and gazed at myself in the mirror. Luckily I was alone..yeah alone again naturally..hehehe. My princess is away again...this time off to ILP Jelapang..poor girl...duty comes first!  Hhhmmmm...it's very cliche but what else can I say, as government servants,"Saya yang menurut perintah" tagline plays a vital role..hahaha.
  As I mentioned earliar, I gazed at myself  in the mirror and this time I no longer visualised an ugly awkward past consuming me - always hindering my better self from appearing. Today,as I stare into that same mirror , I see in me, a woman who has accepted her past as mistakes best forgotten.I see a braver, a better woman emerging. A woman far better organised and equipped in handling any situations or crisis with confidence. I used to be afraid and petrified, kept thinking how will I survive all by myself out there.But after thinking of my beloved ones,Yeop ,Tqah and Adik, I grew strong. They gave me all the strengths not to fall apart and I kept trying hard to mend all the pieces of my broken heart.I used to spent so many nights feeling sorry for myself..used to cry but now I'm someone new. I'm a much brighter and stronger person now,simply because I am walking beside LOVE ..so strong...so radiant and beautiful. So thoroughly and so intensely have they showered me with their love and warmth,so much so I am glowing simply because from their light.
  Now I can hold my head up high and am saving all my loving for someone who's willing to love and accept me for who I am ...shall take me for better for worst.for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till the end of my life. May my future undertakings be blessed by ALLAH..Ameen.
                                            -Sutera-
         

Rain in my heart.

   hhhhmmmmmm...rain in my heart. Feel sad today..planning a little surprise but in vain. It didn't happen. I'm trying hard not to shed tears  but I can't stop the rain from falling in my heart.While doing so,my mind turned to look into the future. A question probed on my mind. I found myself asking this,"What the future be like? Will it contain the same sweet and sour things that I had been associated with or will it be otherwise?"
   Well......that has yet to be seen. But remembering Uppa, my emotions urged to write these lines:
     ' Whatever and where ever your future plans maybe,
       I'm sure ALLAH will show His will to you and to me'
                                                                                              -Sutera-

Reflection of my life Part 2.

  Aahhhh..what a beautiful morning today! The sun is shining bright and the breeze is as cool as the mint. I'm sitting here alone again in my room with my mind wandered off again and this time thinking of the present. Whenever I'm miserable, Uppa is always there to share my troubles.Uppa showed me the way to leave the past and all it's tears behind me.Days passed by as I got to know Uppa.Weeks went by as I got to respect Uppa.Months flew by as our friendship grew.Now two years and three months have gone by and Uppa has been a wonderful companion to me.To Uppa, where ever you may be and whatever you may do today, I would like you to know this...I'm glad to have known you , it's nice to be with you and most of all you know how to make me laugh and smile again. Thank you so much  ..I really appreciate it. Tomorrow is your birthday and I hope you can spare some time here with me.Undoubtedly,I'm so sorry and please forgive me if I've offended you  for what I've text you this morning. I know you can't promise but at least try your best.I'll be right here waiting for you. Distance is not an obstacle..though we are far apart..this special bond and the trust between us always keep us closer..so far in distance yet so near at heart :)
                                          -Sutera-
                                                    

Reflection of my life Part 1.

   Here I am,alone by the window of my darkened room,gazing at the heavens above,while I recall some of my sweet moments in life throughout the past and present years. among the things,my wandering mind recollected the day I was introduced to Rusmawati.We met eye to eye .I was speechless.It was really funny;what a way to greet somebody. Anyway,we managed to break the ice with laughter amidst her jokes.Since that day,we became best friends but alas,she is now far away from me and I really missed her a lot. Rus, where ever you are, whatever you do..I shall always pray for you. Thank you for being my friend.
   More recollections passed through my head, but they were broken by shouts of merry making nearby which in turn broke through the stillness of the day.I then ,more or less came back 'down to earth' and turned to look at my princess,getting ready to doze off  just came back after a long journey up north. I looked out the window and once again my mind wandered among my sweet and sour recollections. This time my mind touched on something that was part of my life for 23years that is now gone.Suddenly,I heard the voice of Suara singing Seribu Sesalan. I then realised 'that someone' is no longer mine. Only sweet memories remained and that is what they would be till the end of time. Let bygone be bygone.
                                                                                                                               -Sutera-

Welcome to my world.

Assalamu'alaikum.
Peace be upon you.
   Hi everyone! I'm new here. My name is of no consequence. You can call me  Sutera or whatever you think suits me. I guess you could also call me Newcomer for I've just started participating writing for fun and this is only the beginning. I think it's awesome if I can let go of what I'm feeling into words and share them with you guys out there as you wander in my blog.I feel that by writing ,allows me to wake up my memories and view them in a different way.It somehow reminds me of what I forgot I knew.
  I'm not ashamed to share with you that I was once heart broken,all sad and lonely,so sick and tired of the life I had known. Feeling the pain from the things I hide deep down inside me. My life turned into darkness,anger filled my mind, my dreams suddenly vanished into thin air. Threatening thoughts very well dwelled,not knowing what was going to happen next. With an aching heart ,I felt like I wanted to die,no longer felt like living but considering my faith,I came to my senses. Allah has given me the strength to live again. I'm trying hard not to cry again. Years passed by and I'm still given the strength to face the world,to turn darkness into a vivid light and knowing  what I want in life. My life is renewed and for that I thanked Allah who's always there for me...alhamdulillah.
  Alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah
  All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.
                                                        -Sutera-